October 21, 2024… Nick’s Golden Birthday Without Him Here Physically

A picture of my precious Nick and me on that spontaneous trip to Las Vegas💚

PJ’s Golden Birthday (12/18/2001) was his 18th, perfect for our politically-minded first born– he would finally be able to vote and be an adult! “I’m not really an adult yet!”  He reminded us all the time, because he couldn’t rent a car or buy alcohol–two crucial aspects of adulthood.😊There was not much of an actual celebration on the day, since his birthday always falls during finals, but there was a quick sushi dinner at Shakou, and that first vote felt sweet from our new, uber-informed voter.

Delaney’s Golden Birthday (5/16/2006) was her Sweet 16!!! What a perfect Golden Birthday for our beautiful, precious girl!!!! A magical 4 days spent in NYC with her cousin who was just a week behind her. Strolls through Central Park, a Broadway show, singing waiters at Ellen’s Stardust Diner, and oh those cinnamon sugar buttermilk doughnuts with caramel sauce and vanilla gelato at Nobu– a dessert we still dream about!

October 21st, 2024. This was the day our Precious Nicholas Joseph Janus was to have his Golden Birthday (10/21/2003). The plan we had for his Golden Birthday developed on a spring break trip many years prior. You see, our flights for spring break were always planned around March Madness games, with the entire J5 being huge college basketball fans (Nick leading the charge.) The morning we were set to head home (with plenty of time to catch the game), Pete and I were doing laundry at our resort in San Diego. That’s when Pete got the alert that our flight had been canceled, with no new ones available for a couple days.

After searching for various flights that would get us home in time for the games with no success, The PJs (Pete and PJ), as we often refer to them as, concocted a plan to rent a car and spend two nights in Las Vegas. We could order food to our hearts’ content and watch the games, then head home on a “much more convenient” flight.

It ended up being a great decision that made for a lot of fun. We stayed in a huge, beautiful suite, ordered pizzas, and watched a ton of basketball as a family—forever one of our favorite things to do. Later on, as I floated down the lazy river with my kind-of-young kids–I never imagined that I’d be in Vegas with a 13, 11 and 9 year old–that’s when we hatched the plan that we would come back to Vegas for Nick’s Golden Birthday–his 21st!! Las Vegas: the perfect backdrop to do all things 21.

Devastatingly, that celebration was not meant to be, as our beautiful, brilliant and oh so funny Nick would die by suicide on August 28, 2022, making him forever 18 and changing our lives forever. The journey of losing him and the grief we experience every single day, which differs for each of us, and differs in intensity at a moment's notice, has been one we never saw coming.

What Pete and I did decide is that we would never let our precious PJ and Delaney feel like they lost their parents too. Losing their best friend and brother Nick was too much. We resolved to find ways to honor Nick for the amazing and loved-beyond-measure son he was AND to work to create a culture that celebrates and normalizes mental health conversations among young men. We want to help end the stigma and shame many feel related to suicide ideation and other mental health struggles. Nick was so stoic and strong, and although we knew he struggled with anxiety, which was exacerbated by the Covid-19 Pandemic, not one of us who knew and loved him and had very close relationships with him knew he was struggling with suicide ideation–not even his wonderful therapist who helped him manage his anxiety. Leading researchers believe suicide ideation is its own disease. It was as if that dear, wonderful young man was battling cancer alone. I want no other person to not ask for help because of shame and embarrassment.

Two years is considered “early grief” when a loved one is lost to suicide. We embrace our tears at least once a day (usually more), as the love and happy memories of our beloved Nick are never far from the surface. As the crushing fog lifts a little, many of the things we have wanted to do with the Nick Janus Foundation are beginning to take shape. So we will celebrate Nick’s Golden Birthday by loving and honoring him through our work to help others.

Some of the updates include:

-Kara is using her education background to get trained as an AFSP Talk Saves Lives presenter. Talk Saves Lives is a community-based presentation that covers the general scope of suicide, the research on prevention, and what people can do to help save lives. This will include some of our personal story.

-NJF merchandise has been created, and the proceeds will go to supporting community-based efforts and the AFSP and Alliance of Hope support for Suicide Loss Survivors.  The sweatshirts and t-shirts have the question from our mission on the back: “How are you today? Really.” A question we should ask ourselves everyday. Our hope is this merch will help spark conversations with family, friends, and even strangers in public. The link to order can be found on our Nick Janus Foundation website and social media.

-Jess Brooks, a professional social media manager (@brx.social) and Nick’s cousin, has volunteered her time and talents to grow our social media messaging and reach. Our hope is to share information and stories to help others, provide education, and end stigma.

-Signs are being created to hopefully be put around Lake Arlington and North School Park in Arlington Heights to get positive messaging and resources out for May during Mental Health Awareness Month. Signs with facts, resources, and myth busters will be out next September for Suicide Awareness Month. Suicides are skyrocketing and there is such a need for this information.

Suicide entered our lives uninvited–a horrific guest none of us saw coming. We have learned so much by pouring over books and talking to experts, other loss survivors, and those struggling with mental health issues themselves. We will forever wish the outcome for our family was different, but we will always be grateful that beautiful Nicholas Joseph Janus was ours. We are committed to working to honor him, so that no one keeps their struggles to themselves and knows that there are resources available for help. We feel his presence, and our relationship with him grows in a different way now. And not surprisingly, the number 21 is one of his favorite ways in which he communicates with us. 

Happy Heavenly 21st Birthday, Nick!!!! We miss you and love you everyday ❤️

J5Forever